Epilogue on Fear and Faith

** I wrote this in October of last year (2011) right before Micah broke his arm and we had to make an unexpected trip back to the U.S. for surgery.  I do find that ironic... God continues to do a deep work in me!  I was referring to an earlier blog post on fear and faith**

**The only thing I would add to this is how much my trust in God has grown.  see below about the power of choice, BUT I have to say, in an emergency, you have no control moment (like an arm break in a remote part of the world...) that now I know God is completely TRUSTWORTHY.  We can trust Him in ALL circumstances. That is beyond me and my choices and circumstances and it's a TRUTH.**

Reference:  the rest of my life

Well, I think that this will be a life long struggle as those who go before me understand, isn’t there always new context?  However, I do remain encouraged to remember the bad places and also to be thankful for growth.

It often starts with confession and as a Christian, I am so covered in the prayers of others, both near and far.  Bringing to light what is in darkness is a promise of God and I see that He works in our dependence on Him and our friends and family.  So, I confessed my struggle and I know people were praying!

In May, we went to Kenya via protest and riot ridden Kampala.  5 adults and 7 kids traveling in East Africa should bring out fears in anyone.  We attended a retreat put on by Global Teams, our supporting organization.  It was for North Americans serving in Africa, as well as Africans serving in Africa.  It was so encouraging and inspiring to hear our colleagues’ tales of serving cross culturally.  We closed in communion and I went up for prayer from the Bishop for fear.  He prayed for courage among other things.  I started asking for prayer for courage and praying for others for courage.  I noticed a lot of promises in scripture from God helping with courage and fear—I especially love Psalm 46—there is the reality of God in our circumstances and our strength comes from the reality of God, no matter what.

I received prayer in our team times for things that God brought up gently that I didn’t even know had to do with some of the root causes of my fear.  I love how God uses people to pray for us and speak truth into our lives!  Just plain old, small, quiet, simple living room prayer.

The final thought with this struggle, which has been a revelation for many areas of struggle is the power of choice.

I can choose to be afraid or not… The more I practice, the more it becomes a reality.  There is not this blanket of dread or fear when it rains or we have to travel on hard roads.  I don’t like it or prefer it, but I am not in dread.

That is freedom!

  I am exploring this with the fruit of the Holy Spirit—I subconsciously imagined that we just get all this stuff teleported from heaven or something.  I kept praying for patience, gentleness, self control and so on and kind of puzzled why do I struggle with these areas, along with fear?

So, I am taking small steps in practicing choice! I choose to be patient, gentle and self controlled in my weakest moments (any crossroads involving children and a time oriented event…school, meals, bedtime)

Do you know, things are changing and I am so excited—like the Holy Spirit IS my helper.  This is WHY I believe in the resurrected Christ—hope, courage and CHANGE.