Moving back to the US from Uganda provides great challenges
and great opportunities. Some of
the opportunity is a chance for a do over in my home culture. There are many things that are confusing
to me, so I have spent an uncomfortable amount of time waiting…
-waiting for God to give me perspective
-waiting to see how things will work out for the kids, for
Aaron
-waiting for new patterns and confirmed identity—for God to
show me what to be about and who am
I NOW…
The past few weeks, some things have been brewing in me
about the problem of poverty—images of Uganda, both the poor and how Ugandans
handle both being poor and helping the poor. I keep thinking about how Americans, Germans and the British
handle poverty—mostly from a giving point of view.
I’ve read from my man Henri Nouwen and from Jesus and God in
the Bible. I have some clear moments
and then I get confused again and I forget what my deep thoughts were. Then I read a great book called When
Helping Hurts, and the main thing I took away from that was about the
ministry of reconciliation. You
come to people and have nothing to give and cannot fix, but you can meet that
person in Christ and let Him work out what He wants. I do like that and it gave me a lot more freedom, but I only
read that at the end of our stay and I didn’t get to practice it very much.
So, now what? I
am back in the US without a clue.
I do feel like God is shifting some things in me and I am in the middle
of it, so here are some unfinished thoughts and questions…
-what if God uses poverty and the “have nots” to “sift” and
“thresh” the wealthy?
-what if it’s not about the giving and the “fixing”, but the
receiving and letting the poor give to “us”
-do I always “serve” in such an active way? What if I go to observe, listen and be
served and THAT is the serving? And I am NOT talking about how we always get
more than we give….some thing deeper and more life changing than sentiment or
good feelings…
-what if it’s about humbling and submitting and allowing God
to do some slow, relationship work that has nothing to do with “doing” It confused me to go to a place trying
to figure out empowerment and realizing that this was a people by and large
that did not WANT to be empowered!
What is THAT about?
-I am thinking of a lot of imagery both from Ruth and from
the interaction of Jesus with the Samaritan woman at the well—so much harvest
language and how Jesus receives from the woman at the well and it opened up a
whole town to come to faith in Him
I think I was first attracted to cross cultural living and
serving as a missionary because I like “big things” and the idea of moving and
uprooting and living along side and with a people seemed so fun and big and to
some degree adventurous…I like being part of movements and changing the world
and living your life for others. God
to chose to send me at a very “weak” point in my life—post medical training,
three kids and a team of another family with four young children—in my 40’s? I
found myself living very small and living with a people so other and ME so
other from them—where to meet and what to do with all my big ideas and big
dreams and great big heart full of love and a people not so interested—they had
their ideas of what I should be about and should be doing and it was a lot
different then mine! I’ll never
forget trying to go for a walk to blow off some stress and a young Ugandan
fella approached me and wanted me to go and teach him guitar. He almost didn’t live for another day…
I was so tired of people asking me to do things that were so random and so not
even me…I couldn’t even talk to him and he was persistent—convinced I was going
to teach him guitar!! That was humbling—I couldn’t even be gracious.
In the middle of our time, we had the chance to visit some
friends in South Africa. We were
just going to hang out with them and they insisted on sending us as a family
alone to the coast for a few days before we spent time with them. That was strange and fun, but it ended
up being such a blessing because we had some time and space to think and
reflect and hear from God a bit.
I remember praying and God said clearly two things…
-His work is like the ocean—you can look out and see a whole
lot of nothing, but beneath the surface is a whole world of things and life and
action
-with the poor, He is like Boaz to Ruth—He is their kinsman
redeemer and it will only be for a time that the poor suffer—a wedding and a
banquet are coming and all the shame is redeemed.
Two weeks ago in prayer, I just had such a clear sense of
God using poverty to “sift” us—our motives, our comfort, coming to terms with
our own poverty, our arrogance, our prejudice, our fix it mentality, our
materialism, our shame, our fear, our anxiety, our hatred, our pride, our
sorrow, our humanity, our false security, our mortality, our seclusion, our loneliness, our false
dichotomy, our ignorance—it all gets sanded away when we step out of our
comfort zone and see the faces, learn the names and hear the stories of the
poor. Serving and living with the
poor exposed me in so many ways. I just feel like God can forge compassion, love
and melt away that other stuff that keeps me enslaved when I go into the place
of poverty.
Then I had the chance to serve with my church at a local
school where some poor kids come to a Saturday program. I had the best time. I came with nothing—just the love of
Jesus and the hope and expectation He would be at work. I came to listen and learn and to watch
God at work. I asked a lot of
questions—mostly, Help me, show me, can you tell me? I loved it and I just wonder how much work God can do
through my being still and quiet and “receiving” instead of coming and trying
to serve and give and striving?
Then, I read a sweet passage from The Message in Matthew’s
gospel from Jesus
40-42 “We are intimately linked in
this harvest work. Anyone who accepts what you do, accepts me, the One who sent
you. Anyone who accepts what I do accepts my Father, who sent me. Accepting a
messenger of God is as good as being God’s messenger. Accepting someone’s help
is as good as giving someone help. This is a large work I’ve called you into,
but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of
water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or
receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won’t lose out on a thing.”
This sums it up for me and I hope to grow up to
be like Jesus. I don’t want to get
caught up in the issues or the “right way” to love and serve. I want Jesus to shape my mind and heart
to how He thinks about the poor (and everything else, for that matter).
