On Poverty

Moving back to the US from Uganda provides great challenges and great opportunities.  Some of the opportunity is a chance for a do over in my home culture.  There are many things that are confusing to me, so I have spent an uncomfortable amount of time waiting…

-waiting for God to give me perspective

-waiting to see how things will work out for the kids, for Aaron

-waiting for new patterns and confirmed identity—for God to show me what to be about and who am  I NOW…

The past few weeks, some things have been brewing in me about the problem of poverty—images of Uganda, both the poor and how Ugandans handle both being poor and helping the poor.  I keep thinking about how Americans, Germans and the British handle poverty—mostly from a giving point of view.

I’ve read from my man Henri Nouwen and from Jesus and God in the Bible.  I have some clear moments and then I get confused again and I forget what my deep thoughts were.  Then I read a great book called When Helping Hurts, and the main thing I took away from that was about the ministry of reconciliation.  You come to people and have nothing to give and cannot fix, but you can meet that person in Christ and let Him work out what He wants.  I do like that and it gave me a lot more freedom, but I only read that at the end of our stay and I didn’t get to practice it very much.

So, now what?  I am back in the US without a clue.  I do feel like God is shifting some things in me and I am in the middle of it, so here are some unfinished thoughts and questions…

-what if God uses poverty and the “have nots” to “sift” and “thresh” the wealthy?

-what if it’s not about the giving and the “fixing”, but the receiving and letting the poor give to “us”

-do I always “serve” in such an active way?  What if I go to observe, listen and be served and THAT is the serving? And I am NOT talking about how we always get more than we give….some thing deeper and more life changing than sentiment or good feelings…

-what if it’s about humbling and submitting and allowing God to do some slow, relationship work that has nothing to do with “doing”  It confused me to go to a place trying to figure out empowerment and realizing that this was a people by and large that did not WANT to be empowered!  What is THAT about?

-I am thinking of a lot of imagery both from Ruth and from the interaction of Jesus with the Samaritan woman at the well—so much harvest language and how Jesus receives from the woman at the well and it opened up a whole town to come to faith in Him

I think I was first attracted to cross cultural living and serving as a missionary because I like “big things” and the idea of moving and uprooting and living along side and with a people seemed so fun and big and to some degree adventurous…I like being part of movements and changing the world and living your life for others.  God to chose to send me at a very “weak” point in my life—post medical training, three kids and a team of another family with four young children—in my 40’s? I found myself living very small and living with a people so other and ME so other from them—where to meet and what to do with all my big ideas and big dreams and great big heart full of love and a people not so interested—they had their ideas of what I should be about and should be doing and it was a lot different then mine!  I’ll never forget trying to go for a walk to blow off some stress and a young Ugandan fella approached me and wanted me to go and teach him guitar.  He almost didn’t live for another day… I was so tired of people asking me to do things that were so random and so not even me…I couldn’t even talk to him and he was persistent—convinced I was going to teach him guitar!! That was humbling—I couldn’t even be gracious.

In the middle of our time, we had the chance to visit some friends in South Africa.  We were just going to hang out with them and they insisted on sending us as a family alone to the coast for a few days before we spent time with them.  That was strange and fun, but it ended up being such a blessing because we had some time and space to think and reflect and hear from God a bit.

I remember praying and God said clearly two things…

-His work is like the ocean—you can look out and see a whole lot of nothing, but beneath the surface is a whole world of things and life and action

-with the poor, He is like Boaz to Ruth—He is their kinsman redeemer and it will only be for a time that the poor suffer—a wedding and a banquet are coming and all the shame is redeemed.

Two weeks ago in prayer, I just had such a clear sense of God using poverty to “sift” us—our motives, our comfort, coming to terms with our own poverty, our arrogance, our prejudice, our fix it mentality, our materialism, our shame, our fear, our anxiety, our hatred, our pride, our sorrow, our humanity, our false security, our  mortality, our seclusion, our loneliness, our false dichotomy, our ignorance—it all gets sanded away when we step out of our comfort zone and see the faces, learn the names and hear the stories of the poor.  Serving and living with the poor exposed me in so many ways.    I just feel like God can forge compassion, love and melt away that other stuff that keeps me enslaved when I go into the place of poverty. 

Then I had the chance to serve with my church at a local school where some poor kids come to a Saturday program.  I had the best time.  I came with nothing—just the love of Jesus and the hope and expectation He would be at work.  I came to listen and learn and to watch God at work.  I asked a lot of questions—mostly, Help me, show me, can you tell me?  I loved it and I just wonder how much work God can do through my being still and quiet and “receiving” instead of coming and trying to serve and give and striving?

Then, I read a sweet passage from The Message in Matthew’s gospel from Jesus

40-42 “We are intimately linked in this harvest work. Anyone who accepts what you do, accepts me, the One who sent you. Anyone who accepts what I do accepts my Father, who sent me. Accepting a messenger of God is as good as being God’s messenger. Accepting someone’s help is as good as giving someone help. This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won’t lose out on a thing.”

This sums it up for me and I hope to grow up to be like Jesus.  I don’t want to get caught up in the issues or the “right way” to love and serve.  I want Jesus to shape my mind and heart to how He thinks about the poor (and everything else, for that matter).